i've got the right amt of fear - too much

i'm going to be in dead meat in ten over hrs time

had i known

i would be in this state right now

i'd def put in more effort

whatever the outcome may be

i blame no one but myself

i thank no one but my beloved parents

thank them for loving me flaws and all

for respecting my decisions

even the very wrong ones

for letting me fall

wanting so very much to help me up

i feel my heart start to overflow

i've let them down so many times
in so many ways

but yet they love me

much more even

words are so inadequate

severe truth is expressed with much bitterness

feeling sorry for myself

and present condition

is not only a waste of energy

it's the worst habit i could possibly have

i must learn to know

that studies is not everything

and knowledge is often mistaken as studies

am i wrong to say that ?

i dont think so

studies are often the " correct " things to know

and what if u dont ?

you're stupid ?

i wanted so much to pass

just give me a credit

i want to make my parents happy

make their days

what i inspire to be

is not someone who holds a position high enough to crush ppl's confidence

with enough money to buy ten small countries

with pretty face but oh so shallow

to make someone's life miserable just to make myself happy

what i want

is to be a person

who is truly happy

and those i love to be happy as well

am i truly happy ?

im not

i'll be truly happy if i pass